Alarming

• Read on Medium
• Back to Writing

When my alarm clock sounds this morning I am jarred
more than a regular alarming
which is how I’ve felt for one hundred days
it’s funny how we make peace with the piece of life where we
wake from our few minutes of wonder with an ear piercing
alarm
and call that normal

nothing is normal anymore

A man i know was so lonely
last weekend
he watched Jesus Christ Superstar Live
twice

I started painting pictures for every day I am
trapped in my house and
they line the walls of the dining room
like tally marks in an isolation cell
and if you look close enough you can see the
blood and bits of fingernail on every canvas
it turns out the Mayans were right
every calendar requires sacrifice

I have loved you with everything I had
for as long as I can remember
but I am less surprised now
that it isn’t enough

When it snowed on day ninety-nine
of the year twenty-twenty
I thought about making a snowman
or a snow kitten or
a snow chicken
and I laughed a lot longer and more alone than I would have
this time last year
at that thought

My dog has started shedding his
thick winter coat
and I want to too
but everything seems so stark and naked
I’m so white and wintered
in quarantine light
what will I count out loud
head bowed to calm down
without the hairs on my knees

Shelter at home only works
when you live somewhere that is
safe

I started writing poems for every day I am
stuck in April and
they line the back of my throat and
get stuck like salad in my teeth
and if you look close enough you can see the
ways they have chewed me up and swallowed me
David Foster Wallace said truth will set you free
but not before it has its way with you

I have loved you with everything I have
for as long as I can remember
but I’m hardly alarmed now
that it isn’t enough